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Getting Over a Miscarriage

By: Jeff Durham - Updated: 15 Feb 2013 | comments*Discuss
Miscarriage Coping With Miscarriage

If you suffer from a miscarriage, you can experience a vast swathe of very different emotions. Unfortunately, although you may feel devastated at having miscarried, it is sadly not an uncommon experience that hospitals have to deal with and although hopefully, you will be lucky enough to have a sympathetic, understanding and helpful doctor and/or midwife to help you get over the initial shock.

The fact that there are rarely serious medical problems which need to be addressed once the miscarriage has taken place and you are allowed to go home, often means that in terms of getting over the miscarriage is very much going to be down to your own attitude and the support of your partner, friends and family.

Common Feelings You Might Experience

Some women can feel as though their entire personality has been transformed as the result of suffering a miscarriage and it can be very difficult to cope with life for a time for some people but it is important to remind yourself and have it reinforced by others that you are almost certainly not to blame in any way.

Even women who have followed their antenatal classes to the letter can still suffer miscarriages and there is often no medical explanation as to why they occur so whilst you may experience a lot of negative emotions initially, you should try not to apportion self blame as this will only make it harder for you to get over the experience.

Common feelings however can include guilt, feelings of worthlessness, depression, fatigue, failure and you may become moody, withdrawn and suffer from sleeplessness for a while. You just need to accept that there is no right or wrong way to feel and to work through your emotions as best you can.

If you’d already told friends and family that you were pregnant, you may feel a sense of dread in telling them that you have lost the pregnancy and it might be difficult to cope with having to deal with their sympathy just as they might find it difficult themselves to know how to comfort you.

Keep Communicating Your Feelings

It is, however, important that you do allow yourself to experience the emotions you’re feeling and to share those feelings with your family and friends if you feel the need to. Even if they are there just to listen and to offer support, getting your emotions out is going to be a significant help to you along the road to your emotional recovery.

In discussing your miscarriage with loved ones, you might also find that some of them will tell you stories about their own miscarriages or you may find out that someone you know well has also been through what you’re experiencing yet you may never have known about that previously.

Things like this can often enable you to feel less isolated or as if you’re the only person who has ever been through the experience and by asking others who have been through miscarriage about their thoughts and feelings and about how they were able to put it behind them, you’re likely to then be able to see things in a more realistic yet positive light about your own future.

Support Networks

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it will take you to get over a miscarriage. Your own attitude, personality and the support of your loved ones will all play a critical role but if you find that things are still unbearable or that you’re still finding it impossible to move on, ask your GP if they can refer you to a pregnancy loss support group which might help you or see if there are any counsellors in your area who specialise in helping those who have suffered a miscarriage.

Other Things To Remember

Unless you’ve suffered from multiple miscarriages in the past and your doctor has explained the reasons for this, it’s important to remember that your chances of conceiving successfully again in the future and of carrying your baby through to full-term are unlikely to be affected at all by having suffered a miscarriage.

And, whilst some women may want to try to get pregnant again quickly following a miscarriage, it’s not always the case for every woman and it may be some time before you decide to try again until you feel emotionally as well as physically prepared for pregnancy.

Getting Pregnant Again

Finally, should you get pregnant again, whilst it’s perfectly natural to feel an increased sense of apprehension, try to relax and follow the advice of the midwife and/or antenatal team. You’re bound to want to get successfully past the length of time at which you miscarried previously and sometimes asking for an early scan and to be able to see your baby’s heart beating can be extremely comforting and help to reduce your stress levels and apprehension.

Above all else, remember that midwives are well used to seeing pregnant women who have miscarried previously and those who have suffered multiple miscarriages so they are fully trained and knowledgeable about any questions or concerns you might wish to raise with them.

Finally, let’s not forget your husband or partner (assuming you have one). Remember that they too may be equally going through the emotional wringer just as much as you are so it’s often by discussing your innermost thoughts and fears with your partner which binds you together even more strongly and can help you in coming to terms with a miscarriage more quickly.

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