Waiting While Your Partner Has Surgery

Before the day: what to find out

Waiting while your partner has an operation can be difficult. You may feel just as anxious as they do, especially when you have little information about what is happening.

It helps to ask the hospital team roughly how long the procedure is likely to take. Bear in mind that the time quoted for the operation itself is usually shorter than the total time your partner will be away. Preparation, anaesthetic and time in the recovery area all add to it, so a one-hour operation can easily mean several hours before you see them again.

Being someone's partner, or being recorded as their next of kin, does not automatically entitle you to information about their care. Before surgery, ask your partner to tell staff whom they want contacted and what information they are happy for staff to share.

It is also worth checking a few practical points with the ward or admissions staff:

• Whether you can wait at the hospital, and where, or whether you should leave and return later
• Whether you will receive an update, who is likely to contact you and at what stage
• That the hospital has the correct phone number for the main contact, and whether there is a number you can ring
• Where your partner is likely to go after surgery, and roughly when you might be able to visit

Some patients go back to a ward or a day-surgery discharge area after their operation, while others have a planned stay in critical care. When you can visit depends on where they go and on local arrangements.

If your partner is having day surgery, confirm the collection arrangements before the day. Depending on the procedure, the anaesthetic and the discharge instructions, they may need a responsible adult to collect them and stay with them afterwards, often for the first 24 hours. Check too whether your planned journey home is suitable, as transport requirements vary.

Where to wait

Ask the unit whether you can wait at the hospital or leave and return later. Some units have little space for relatives and may suggest you go home until they contact you. If you are collecting your partner after day surgery, check how readily available you need to be.

If you do wait at the hospital and want to go for a walk or to a nearby café, check with the unit before leaving, keep your phone available and agree how quickly you would need to return. Make sure your phone is charged and bring a charger, as signal can be patchy in parts of some hospitals. If you become unavailable for any reason, let the unit know.

If you have travelled a long way, ask whether the hospital has accommodation for relatives. Some larger NHS hospitals and specialist centres offer rooms or can point you towards local charities that help families. Parking can be expensive over a long day, so check the hospital's website for details of any concessions. Rules vary by hospital and by nation within the UK.

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Ways to pass the time

Keeping busy will not remove the worry, but it can stop your thoughts going round in circles. What works depends on you, so it is sensible to bring a few options.

Reading. A book, magazine or newspaper is one of the easiest ways to take your mind elsewhere. Some people find something light and familiar easier to concentrate on than anything demanding.

Work or admin. If you have paperwork or emails you can do on a laptop, this can fill the time. Some hospitals have quieter areas or free public Wi-Fi, though the connection may not be reliable. Household tasks such as sorting bills or planning meals for the coming week are another option.

Something to do with your hands. Puzzles, crosswords, knitting or sketching can be absorbing without needing too much focus.

Music, podcasts or audiobooks. Bring headphones so you do not disturb others. These can help if you find it hard to concentrate on reading.

Fresh air. A walk around the grounds can ease tension and stop you feeling stiff after sitting for a long time.

Most hospitals have a café, shop or restaurant, and some have a chapel or multi-faith room where you can sit quietly whether or not you are religious. The chaplaincy team can also offer a listening ear to visitors of any faith or none.

Looking after yourself and preparing for home

It is easy to forget to eat or drink when you are anxious. Eating and drinking regularly may help you manage a long day and support your partner afterwards. Bring your own snacks in case hospital food outlets close early.

If you would like company, ask whether a friend or relative can wait with you. Check the waiting area rules first, as some hospitals limit how many people can wait together. If no one can be there, a phone call or messages may still help you feel less alone.

A longer wait does not necessarily mean something has gone wrong. Your partner may have gone to theatre later than expected, the procedure may have taken longer, or they may need more time in recovery. If you are worried, ask a member of staff whether there is any news. Staff can explain what they know, though they may not be able to tell you much straight away.

The operation finishing is not the same as your partner being ready to leave. Before discharge, you and your partner may be given information about medicines, wound care, warning signs to look out for and whom to contact if problems arise. If anything is unclear, ask before you go.

For updates on the day, the ward or your agreed contact is the right place to start. If you later have concerns about care or need help with a complaint, NHS hospitals in England have a Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS). In Scotland, the Patient Advice and Support Service (PASS) is delivered through Citizens Advice Scotland. In Wales, Llais provides independent complaints advocacy, and in Northern Ireland the Patient and Client Council can help. These services do not all work in the same way as an on-site PALS team. The NHS website also has general information about preparing for surgery.

Your partner may need support at home for some time after discharge, so it makes sense to pace yourself on the day. If caring responsibilities continue, organisations such as Carers UK can offer advice and support.